Stuart Schwartz: A Sarah Palin Christmas

Gift suggestions for the boys of the elite left
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Stuart Schwartz, taking note of the Palin Derangement Syndrome exhibited by the political and media elites on the one hand, and the booming cottage industry of Sarah Palin dolls and mementos on the other, has come up with a delicious idea. Why not give them the gift that will keep on making their heads explode?

For out elites, the plethora of dolls and figurines offer a unique and joyful gift opportunity: a Palin unable to talk back.

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The "Sarah Palin Schoolgirl" action figure, for example, would be the ideal Christmas present for Keith Olbermann, the television commentator that even the left acknowledges is one of its most "sexist" and "misogynist."

This Palin action figure wears a plaid skirt, knee socks, and a suggestive blouse -- the stuff of sick fantasy. In other words, standard Olbermann treatment of attractive women (left and right agree that attractive women bring out the worst in Olbermann, who uses his NBC platform to "embarrass and humiliate" selected female targets). This lifelong bachelor is notorious for his inability to cultivate intimate relationships with women, and for his periodic fits of anger at talented and attractive colleagues of the female persuasion. A Palin action figure, with its short legs and limited range, would be perfect for a man whose dates usually bolt somewhere between the appetizer and entrée.

Palin dolls are perfect gifts for both the macho wannabee's and the sensitive moderns of the mainstream media. They can easily become the "must-have" dolls and figurines for the New York media male who is unafraid to play with dolls. We're talking New York Times here, home of men who can look at another man's "perfectly creased" pants (as did Times columnist David Brooks at those covering the legs of Barack Obama) and know, just know that he is destined for greatness. Brooks considers Sarah Palin a "joke," but her doll -- that may be another matter.

Hate the woman, love the doll. A Sarah Palin dress-up doll is the perfect gift for the newspaper of record's version of a man's man, a Clint Eastwood-in-a-tutu who admits to sometimes feeling a "frisson of pleasure" when, mouse in hand, he sallies forth to do battle with misguided Americans who are intent on defying the "toffs" of the media and political elites. Yes, he really used the word "toff" to describe the Tea Party perception of insiders like himself. He has been quite forceful in showing his disdain for those not part of the "educated class" and admiration for those who possess "several graduate degrees."

He is, in fact, one of the tough toffs of the Times. He is part of a media elite for whom nothing says Christmas more than, perhaps, the joy of accessorizing. All over Georgetown and the Upper West Side of Manhattan, in the Times and Washington Post newsrooms, at PBS and CNN, our educated classes will croon with delight at the prospects opened by the raft of Sarah Palin playthings. Imagine the boys of mainstream media settling down for a Christmas day marathon of mixing and matching outfits, of "Going Vogue" with Sarah.

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For the boys of the elite left, Christmas -- with its trappings of religion and reminder of a tacky citizenry -- can be a toff...er, tough time of year. But when the going gets toff, the toff get going -- right to the Christmas tree to unwrap their Sarah Palin dolls.

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- JP