Rudy says that we're haters...

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Rudy left a comment, but we didn't just delete it with all of the other troll stuff. Since it's so close to Christmas, we decided to give it a post all its own. Here's Rudy's message to us:

"You guys ought to listen to yourselves. Your hatred of Obama is so evident. Once thing is to disagree with his policies, another things (sic) altogether is hatred. You hate him. No question about it."

Awesome detective work, Rudy! You caught us red-handed. There's no use in us denying it, so we have to confess. Us bible-believing, Palin-loving Christianists and Joooos are just chock full o' hate. And we especially hate Obama. Why, we hate him so much that...

We smeared him by claiming that his youngest child isn’t really his own.
We accused him of molesting his older daughter.
We claimed that he cut funding for unwed mothers when he increased it by 354%.
We joked about his younger daughter getting raped by an MLB baseball player.
We claimed that both of his daughters were named after witches.
We photoshopped his head onto a photo of a woman in a bikini.
We claimed that he had a son who was forced to join the Army or go to jail.
We hacked into his e-mail account and posted personal details on the internet.
We sell and wear t-shirts which call him a c__t.
We claimed he was under investigation by federal authorities when we knew it was a lie.
We claimed that he banned books from a library and even burned them.
We claimed that he made porn movies, but we know that we were bearing false witness.
We claimed that he believes humans and dinosaurs roamed the earth together.
We accused him of shooting wolves from helicopters.
We claimed that he's a racist even though he married a member of an ethnic minority.
We photoshopped a devil's head and even worse onto a photo of his youngest child.
We still call him a psycopath.
We call him stupid. We do that every day.
We mock him every chance we get.
We claimed that he is anti-Mormon.
We claimed that he hates gays when he really doesn't.
We claimed that his oldest child is a "drug addict."
We claimed that he tried to charge rape victims personally for rape kits.
We filed 20 phony ethics violations against him.
We even filed a claim to tie up his legal defense fund.
We ran his personal legal bill up to well over a half million dollars.
We flooded his office with FOI requests to tie up people and resources.
We claimed that he hates furry, lovable animals.
We claimed that he cut special ed funding when he actually raised it by 175%.
We claimed that he had an affair.
We claimed that he wants a divorce.
And, finally, our supreme act of hatred:
We poured gasoline around the exits and torched his church with women inside it.
And that's not even half of all the hateful things we did to Obama and his family.
But we had the audacity to call him and his followers hateful.
That's how much we hate Obama, Rudy!

Oh, wait...

We were confused. We didn't do any of those things. It was your side that did them. And they were done to Sarah Palin and her family, not to Barack Obama and his. We don't really hate Obama, Rudy. What we really hate is what he is doing to this republic, for which so many have sacrificed, all the way back to those patriots who founded it. 

We're such haters, Rudy, that we pray for the souls of your comrades who did all of the evil things listed above. We're pretty sure that Sarah Palin prays for them also. Now, who are the real haters, again, Rudy?

- JP