How Do You Solve a Problem Like A Levi?

- by ehvogel
*
He climbed a tree and ripped his jeans
His knee now has a scar
He struts his way down every street
And whistles in the car
And underneath his ball cap
He has moosed his curly hair
I even heard him swearing in the alley

He's always late for supper's grace
But bows his head and kneels
He's always late for everything
Except for Sarah's meals
I hate to have to say it
But I very firmly feel
This Levi's not an asset to the galley

I'd like to say a word on his behalf
That Levi usually makes me laugh

How do you solve a problem like a Levi?
How do you catch a clown and pin it down?
How do you find a word that captures Levi?
A Hollywood fake! A pin-up you say? A clown!

Many a thing you know you'd like to tell him
Many a thing he ought to understand
But how do you make him stay
And listen to all you say
How do you keep a wave upon the sands

Oh, how do you solve a problem like a Levi?
How would a Ricky Hollywood shake hands?

When I'm with him I'm so confused
Unfocused and bemused
And I never know exactly where I am
Unpredictable as weather
He's as phony as fake leather
He's a darling! He's a demon! He's a sham!

He'd out-pester any pest
Drive a song bird from its nest
He would kick a spinning X-Box to be rude
He is gentle! He is wild!
He's a riddle! He's a child!
He's a headache! He's an angel!
He's a dude!

How do you solve a problem like a Levi?
How do you catch a clown and make it yours?
How do you find a word that captures Levi?
He lays on the couch and doesn't help out with chores

Many a thing you know you'd like to tell him
Many a things you wish he understood
But how do you make him stay
And listen to all you say
How do you make him do the things he should?

Oh, how do you solve a problem like a Levi?
How do you wring a dill-weed with your hands?

(My humble apologies to Rogers and Hammerstein.)

- ev

Tx4P contributor ehvogel resides in North Texas where he presides over Generational Dysfunction.